Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
