If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize