Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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