I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
