If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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