i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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