My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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