i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
