Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
