The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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