i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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