i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
