I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
