I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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