Welp...herpes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
