Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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