I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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