You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
