So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
