i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
