youre lurking in front of me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
