Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
