No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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