At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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