they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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