I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
