Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
