I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
