cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
