He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
