Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
