i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
