Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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