why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
