No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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