I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
