Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize