how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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