we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
