omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
