addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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