this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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