oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
