I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
