not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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