Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
