Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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