I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
