Yo dont text me then not text me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
