so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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