Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
