Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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