im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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