dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
