Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
