i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
