Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
