So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
