I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
