just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
