I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
