now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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