Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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