im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
