How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
