I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
