I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
