Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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