It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
